It certainly has been a long time since I checked in here last, and there's been no shortage of fodder for tales, so I've no excuse at all.
Liam and I have just passed four months together. Our "friends with benefits" arrangement? Well, that's gone out the window. We're full-fledged exclusive and together now. Have been for quite some time.
Things started on Thanksgiving Day with my finally getting the courage to let him know I wanted him. By the time the Christmas season rolled around, I realized he's actually quite a hell of a guy. Sweet, sensitive, generous, thoughtful, funny, passionate. Didn't think such a thing existed in real life? Yeah, neither did I.
Shortly before Christmas, I had a run-in with my ex-husband, which led to that bastard's attempting to ruin things for me yet again. I figured it might work, as Liam and I were still pretty new, and who wants to deal with a lot of hassle with an FWB, anyway? Liam had a week scheduled off work to go home to Minnesota to visit his family. He was leaving Christmas Day for his flight. I didn't think I'd see him before he left, as he was acting pretty distant after the "ex" incident. He sent me a text wishing me a merry Christmas, and I replied asking if that meant I wouldn't be seeing him before he left. He said he'd love to see me, so I arranged to go over on Christmas Eve. We had a wonderful afternoon and evening together. I spent the night and we got to wake up together for Christmas morning. We decided that night we wouldn't be seeing anyone else.
While he was gone, it seems all he could do was think of me. I had to work New Year's Eve, but we went out afterward - our first foray into public together, but we weren't seen by anyone who knew us.
By the time Valentine's Day rolled around, I had a stunning bouquet of flowers awaiting me, along with some chocolates and a bottle of champagne. I'd brought wine - the same kind we shared on our first night together - so the champagne is actually still waiting in his fridge to be consumed. He took me out to dinner - again, we weren't seen by anyone we knew. We spent the rest of the day cuddled up on his couch watching romantic movies. It was just about as perfect as a day could be.
We're still seeing each other as often as we possibly can. We're not "secret" per se anymore, but somehow, we still haven't been found out either. We've wondered if our coworkers are just that clueless - or if we're just that unlikely a pairing. Either way, we'll be breaking the news soon.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sunday, November 28, 2010
A nice arrangement
I guess it's official now. Liam, my coworker, and I have embarked upon our "friends with benefits" adventure.
I sent him a text message during my belated family Thanksgiving dinner on Friday - after having made arrangements for my mother to keep my daughters for the night. Liam had to work Friday, but he said he'd call me afterward. At 10 p.m., I headed to his apartment for the first time.
It was surprisingly not uncomfortable. He poured us each a glass of wine (ok, a plastic cup of wine - equipped as a confirmed bachelor of 29), and we sat down to talk for a while. We discussed all the things that have been secretly going through our heads for the past several months - primarily, that we'd both been very, very attracted to each other. We also discussed family, our pasts, likes and dislikes (which we knew some of already, having been friends to some degree through work). It was all very comfortable without a single awkward pause in conversation.
After a while (again, not at all awkward), we started kissing and fooling around. We took each other's clothes off and lay intertwined and just touching each other while kissing for a while. He asked me if I work out a lot - apparently, he thinks my body is PERFECT, which he mentioned several times. :) His isn't (it's not bad, though), but he does know how to touch just right. He was very good at that. As for me, he thought I was "incredible," "amazing," etc., and when I went down on him, it was so good it "was almost too much." I'll take that. I know I'm very, very good at that.
He was very good at it as well, but that part was pretty brief, as all I wanted to do by then was to feel him inside me.
After a couple of times on the couch, we moved off to the bed and continued. That's going to be a real advantage to having an affair with a 29-year-old. There's really no recovery time at all required. He was always ready. We were lying down after, and I asked him if I should stay or leave. He said that I am welcome to stay any time. That's good. I don't think the arrangement should really have any rules - other than keeping it quiet at the office. It only gets awkward when other people find out.
I planned to stay, but I quickly realized I was not going to fall asleep, so I started to get up to leave. I managed to get about halfway out of bed before we had a go again. It felt much better than leaving.
But I did manage to get up and get my clothes on again. I told him he could just stay in bed, but he insisted on getting up and walking to the door with me. We kissed some more, and he asked when we would see each other again. I said we could anytime, but he wanted something more specific. Hehe! He's a Virgo like me - can't just leave it up in the air like that!
I told him we've got alternate Fridays when I'm not working and after he's finished (when I work Friday nights, I'm there until 1 a.m.) Clearly, that's not going to be enough for us though. I wanted to call him again already on Saturday, but I resisted the urge. I sent him a text tonight to see about stopping by after work tomorrow. He's up for it.
I wonder if there's some kind of limit on how much is ok with this sort of arrangement.... I could go for it every day. Several times a day.
Keska
(Btw, small addendum: I DID in fact have some events of note during my long silence. I had another trip to Las Vegas with Franco in October. Was better than before, but still, the fact that I'd completely forgotten it already - and didn't bother to blog it when it happened - is some indication of his significance to me.)
I sent him a text message during my belated family Thanksgiving dinner on Friday - after having made arrangements for my mother to keep my daughters for the night. Liam had to work Friday, but he said he'd call me afterward. At 10 p.m., I headed to his apartment for the first time.
It was surprisingly not uncomfortable. He poured us each a glass of wine (ok, a plastic cup of wine - equipped as a confirmed bachelor of 29), and we sat down to talk for a while. We discussed all the things that have been secretly going through our heads for the past several months - primarily, that we'd both been very, very attracted to each other. We also discussed family, our pasts, likes and dislikes (which we knew some of already, having been friends to some degree through work). It was all very comfortable without a single awkward pause in conversation.
After a while (again, not at all awkward), we started kissing and fooling around. We took each other's clothes off and lay intertwined and just touching each other while kissing for a while. He asked me if I work out a lot - apparently, he thinks my body is PERFECT, which he mentioned several times. :) His isn't (it's not bad, though), but he does know how to touch just right. He was very good at that. As for me, he thought I was "incredible," "amazing," etc., and when I went down on him, it was so good it "was almost too much." I'll take that. I know I'm very, very good at that.
He was very good at it as well, but that part was pretty brief, as all I wanted to do by then was to feel him inside me.
After a couple of times on the couch, we moved off to the bed and continued. That's going to be a real advantage to having an affair with a 29-year-old. There's really no recovery time at all required. He was always ready. We were lying down after, and I asked him if I should stay or leave. He said that I am welcome to stay any time. That's good. I don't think the arrangement should really have any rules - other than keeping it quiet at the office. It only gets awkward when other people find out.
I planned to stay, but I quickly realized I was not going to fall asleep, so I started to get up to leave. I managed to get about halfway out of bed before we had a go again. It felt much better than leaving.
But I did manage to get up and get my clothes on again. I told him he could just stay in bed, but he insisted on getting up and walking to the door with me. We kissed some more, and he asked when we would see each other again. I said we could anytime, but he wanted something more specific. Hehe! He's a Virgo like me - can't just leave it up in the air like that!
I told him we've got alternate Fridays when I'm not working and after he's finished (when I work Friday nights, I'm there until 1 a.m.) Clearly, that's not going to be enough for us though. I wanted to call him again already on Saturday, but I resisted the urge. I sent him a text tonight to see about stopping by after work tomorrow. He's up for it.
I wonder if there's some kind of limit on how much is ok with this sort of arrangement.... I could go for it every day. Several times a day.
Keska
(Btw, small addendum: I DID in fact have some events of note during my long silence. I had another trip to Las Vegas with Franco in October. Was better than before, but still, the fact that I'd completely forgotten it already - and didn't bother to blog it when it happened - is some indication of his significance to me.)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Sudden turnaround
Yes, I've been absent for ages. More than three months, to be exact. I guess I'm fortunate that these blogs don't seem to get deleted.
Thing is, I haven't had much to talk about. I thought about coming back a week or so ago, as I've made the acquaintance of someone on Twitter who's become quite enamored of me. Alex is certainly more caught up than anyone's been in quite some time. But he's also about 4500 miles away - and oh yeah, married. I wasn't even going to let myself get too caught up in that, even if I did allow it to entertain me a bit.
But things changed .........
I've had my eye on a coworker of mine for a few months now. For the past few weeks, I've been actually working up the nerve to say something about it. I wasn't thinking about a "real" relationship. I know neither of us has the time for that, and he's also a fair bit younger than I am. Still, I was thinking a nice little FWB arrangement might be suitable.
I turned chicken. Every time I thought I might say something, I backed down.
Until we both were working Thanksgiving, and no one else was around.
After chatting for a little bit, we went back to our respective duties until he announced he was leaving. I screwed up every bit of courage I had and called out to stop him. He's all for the idea! I was ecstatic! Just as we were looking at the schedule to see when we might be able to get together, the boss came into the office.
No matter - I checked after he left. Tonight will do just fine. :)
Keska
Thing is, I haven't had much to talk about. I thought about coming back a week or so ago, as I've made the acquaintance of someone on Twitter who's become quite enamored of me. Alex is certainly more caught up than anyone's been in quite some time. But he's also about 4500 miles away - and oh yeah, married. I wasn't even going to let myself get too caught up in that, even if I did allow it to entertain me a bit.
But things changed .........
I've had my eye on a coworker of mine for a few months now. For the past few weeks, I've been actually working up the nerve to say something about it. I wasn't thinking about a "real" relationship. I know neither of us has the time for that, and he's also a fair bit younger than I am. Still, I was thinking a nice little FWB arrangement might be suitable.
I turned chicken. Every time I thought I might say something, I backed down.
Until we both were working Thanksgiving, and no one else was around.
After chatting for a little bit, we went back to our respective duties until he announced he was leaving. I screwed up every bit of courage I had and called out to stop him. He's all for the idea! I was ecstatic! Just as we were looking at the schedule to see when we might be able to get together, the boss came into the office.
No matter - I checked after he left. Tonight will do just fine. :)
Keska
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Long lost
The long absence is due to the long absence of Ian. I won't even discuss it. He has angered me so that he is not even worth my mention right now. Maybe I'll get over it. Maybe not.
There's a new someone for me to focus on now, who's very kind to me, so I needn't concern myself with Ian anymore at the moment.
Javier seems to be a very good man. He was an exchange student at my high school when I was a senior, and though I was pregnant, it seems I caught his attention in other ways. We never spoke back then, not even once, but now these many, many years later he remembers so much of me that it's most humbling.
He rediscovered me on Facebook, and I'll admit that I didn't recall him at all at the time. We had a mutual friend from high school, which is the only reason I accepted his invitation. Then he sent me a message saying who he was, and I remembered, in a vague sort of way, that he was there. I remembered more from the fact that I worked on the yearbook and I'd seen his picture than I did from actually recalling seeing him at school.
A class reunion was coming up, and I had no intentions of going - I didn't particularly like any of the people in my class, at least not the ones who would be there - but Javier said he would be coming up from Mexico for the reunion, so I made plans to go to the little prereunion party the night before. Well, his plans fell through, so I didn't go either. But we've been chatting every day. We started out just messaging on FB, then we exchanged Blackberry PINs to use BB Messenger. We had our first actual phone call tonight. Spent an hour talking. He's planning at trip up here next month and I'll see him then. For a moment, I was reluctant because of Ian. That's no longer the case. Javier it is now. For now.
There's a new someone for me to focus on now, who's very kind to me, so I needn't concern myself with Ian anymore at the moment.
Javier seems to be a very good man. He was an exchange student at my high school when I was a senior, and though I was pregnant, it seems I caught his attention in other ways. We never spoke back then, not even once, but now these many, many years later he remembers so much of me that it's most humbling.
He rediscovered me on Facebook, and I'll admit that I didn't recall him at all at the time. We had a mutual friend from high school, which is the only reason I accepted his invitation. Then he sent me a message saying who he was, and I remembered, in a vague sort of way, that he was there. I remembered more from the fact that I worked on the yearbook and I'd seen his picture than I did from actually recalling seeing him at school.
A class reunion was coming up, and I had no intentions of going - I didn't particularly like any of the people in my class, at least not the ones who would be there - but Javier said he would be coming up from Mexico for the reunion, so I made plans to go to the little prereunion party the night before. Well, his plans fell through, so I didn't go either. But we've been chatting every day. We started out just messaging on FB, then we exchanged Blackberry PINs to use BB Messenger. We had our first actual phone call tonight. Spent an hour talking. He's planning at trip up here next month and I'll see him then. For a moment, I was reluctant because of Ian. That's no longer the case. Javier it is now. For now.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Updates?
Wow, I don't really know what I have to update with.
I finally did hear a *couple* of words from Ian - after a period of basically being ignored. It all felt very.... sterile. Of course, he did it again though. I was keeping the conversation purely "surface" and just letting him lead, to sort of get a feel of where he was. It was tentative at first. Just a "Hi Keska." Then a "Hey" back. Then we got into a little chat about the volcano in Iceland that popped off and spoiled his holiday to Portugal by shutting down flights two hours before he was to leave. We entered the philosophy portion - there's almost always one of those - where he talked about the awe-inspiring power of nature. He wasn't too fussed about missing out on the trip. Somehow, we got onto sex. He started it - I didn't. So mentioned that he was much better at lovemaking than fucking. I don't know why he feels the need to say such things to me. It's as if he wants to appear perfectly wonderful in my eyes, while maintaining his inaccessibility. He doesn't want me to forget about him or lose interest in him, but he stays aloof.
Franco's still hanging on by his fingertips, it seems. He keeps sending me messages asking how I am and assuring me that he's there for me if I ever need him for anything. He even offered me money during my recent financial downturn, which fortunately has ended for a while. He sent me a message a couple of weeks ago, and I responded to him about four hours later. Then I didn't hear anything from him for 15 days. I didn't respond immediately to that one - honestly, I was busy with work and home, and I'd gotten the message during the work day, so by the time I got home, I really didn't think about it. Anyway, TWO days later he sends me another message asking why I haven't responded and telling me that when I don't reply it makes him think something's wrong. Seriously, the nerve! He can wait 15 days but I can't take TWO?!
I found it a bit amusing that Sollan just updated his Facebook relationship status YESTERDAY to say he's in a relationship. He's been with this girl for, what, more than a year? Or has it been two? I don't remember, but I think it's on here in my archives somewhere. And he's been living with her for quite a while too. I remember when that started up, he'd told me that she was just moving in with him for a while until she found another place, so he wouldn't be able to talk to me much. Yeah. I knew better even then. I never hear much from him anymore. No biggie.
Anyway, I guess that's it. Kind of a lull right now, so nothing exciting. Maybe I should make some excitement happen. Yeah, right.
Keska
I finally did hear a *couple* of words from Ian - after a period of basically being ignored. It all felt very.... sterile. Of course, he did it again though. I was keeping the conversation purely "surface" and just letting him lead, to sort of get a feel of where he was. It was tentative at first. Just a "Hi Keska." Then a "Hey" back. Then we got into a little chat about the volcano in Iceland that popped off and spoiled his holiday to Portugal by shutting down flights two hours before he was to leave. We entered the philosophy portion - there's almost always one of those - where he talked about the awe-inspiring power of nature. He wasn't too fussed about missing out on the trip. Somehow, we got onto sex. He started it - I didn't. So mentioned that he was much better at lovemaking than fucking. I don't know why he feels the need to say such things to me. It's as if he wants to appear perfectly wonderful in my eyes, while maintaining his inaccessibility. He doesn't want me to forget about him or lose interest in him, but he stays aloof.
Franco's still hanging on by his fingertips, it seems. He keeps sending me messages asking how I am and assuring me that he's there for me if I ever need him for anything. He even offered me money during my recent financial downturn, which fortunately has ended for a while. He sent me a message a couple of weeks ago, and I responded to him about four hours later. Then I didn't hear anything from him for 15 days. I didn't respond immediately to that one - honestly, I was busy with work and home, and I'd gotten the message during the work day, so by the time I got home, I really didn't think about it. Anyway, TWO days later he sends me another message asking why I haven't responded and telling me that when I don't reply it makes him think something's wrong. Seriously, the nerve! He can wait 15 days but I can't take TWO?!
I found it a bit amusing that Sollan just updated his Facebook relationship status YESTERDAY to say he's in a relationship. He's been with this girl for, what, more than a year? Or has it been two? I don't remember, but I think it's on here in my archives somewhere. And he's been living with her for quite a while too. I remember when that started up, he'd told me that she was just moving in with him for a while until she found another place, so he wouldn't be able to talk to me much. Yeah. I knew better even then. I never hear much from him anymore. No biggie.
Anyway, I guess that's it. Kind of a lull right now, so nothing exciting. Maybe I should make some excitement happen. Yeah, right.
Keska
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Lull
Yes, I know it's been forever since my last update, but that's because things have pretty much stalled on the romance front for me. No big surprise there. My love life is defined by extensive and frequent lulls.
I have gotten back to work full time, though, so that's been an improvement. And I even see the end of my long-standing student debt on the horizon - with some cash left over - so maybe something interesting will happen with the warming weather.
I skipped the trip to New Orleans with Franco. He didn't press the issue because he didn't want to put any pressure on me. I was out of work and facing some pretty dire straits at the time. He also got the impression that he'd "already lost me." I should have let him carry on with that impression, but I'm such a softie, I probably led him to believe there was still hope after all. There isn't.
Sollan did pass on word to me that he expects to be moving to New York City by next year. Of course, he had the same plan a year ago, and that fell through. The visa process can be rather involved, long and complicated, and he wasn't able to get through it in time for the job that was available for him. When he does make the move, we have some fairly definite though nonspecific plans. Namely, scratching that itch we've had for each other. Of course, that will depend on where things stand with Ian for me then. Sollan is my "exception to every rule," but I've found that Ian is my "exception to my exception to every rule." Translation: I have a rule against getting involved with anyone who's involved with someone else. I also have a rule that I DON'T cheat if I'm involved with anyone. Sollan would be the exception. HOWEVER, if I'm involved with Ian, Sollan can forget it.
I've heard precious little from Ian lately. We've chatted a couple of times, but it's been brief, meaningless and infrequent. I've given up all efforts to act as if I'm not interested, but I'm not pressing the issue either. I suppose he'll come around or he won't. I think he will. I mentioned him coming over to my side of the pond again, and he replied by saying that his sister has returned to NYC from her stay back in Mother England. I know Ian well enough to know that means he could come for a visit and arrange something with me. You see what I mean about how frustrating he can be? No question about it, though. I'm in love with him.
Keska
I have gotten back to work full time, though, so that's been an improvement. And I even see the end of my long-standing student debt on the horizon - with some cash left over - so maybe something interesting will happen with the warming weather.
I skipped the trip to New Orleans with Franco. He didn't press the issue because he didn't want to put any pressure on me. I was out of work and facing some pretty dire straits at the time. He also got the impression that he'd "already lost me." I should have let him carry on with that impression, but I'm such a softie, I probably led him to believe there was still hope after all. There isn't.
Sollan did pass on word to me that he expects to be moving to New York City by next year. Of course, he had the same plan a year ago, and that fell through. The visa process can be rather involved, long and complicated, and he wasn't able to get through it in time for the job that was available for him. When he does make the move, we have some fairly definite though nonspecific plans. Namely, scratching that itch we've had for each other. Of course, that will depend on where things stand with Ian for me then. Sollan is my "exception to every rule," but I've found that Ian is my "exception to my exception to every rule." Translation: I have a rule against getting involved with anyone who's involved with someone else. I also have a rule that I DON'T cheat if I'm involved with anyone. Sollan would be the exception. HOWEVER, if I'm involved with Ian, Sollan can forget it.
I've heard precious little from Ian lately. We've chatted a couple of times, but it's been brief, meaningless and infrequent. I've given up all efforts to act as if I'm not interested, but I'm not pressing the issue either. I suppose he'll come around or he won't. I think he will. I mentioned him coming over to my side of the pond again, and he replied by saying that his sister has returned to NYC from her stay back in Mother England. I know Ian well enough to know that means he could come for a visit and arrange something with me. You see what I mean about how frustrating he can be? No question about it, though. I'm in love with him.
Keska
Thursday, March 4, 2010
*Gasp*
This week's episode of How I Met My Mother had me thinking. I'm on "the hook" with Ian. And now he's gone and given me another glimmer of hope. Oh why? But I'll take the glimmer. I never imagined anyone so perfect for me. Not perfect. He's not perfect. I know that. But he is so close to perfect FOR ME. We're matched so well. If there's the glimmer of hope that he might finally be willing to take a step to try. To see. It's worth holding onto that hope. And that's what he told me. "We'll keep trying." Very clearly NOT hopeless after all.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Well, that's all then....
I was in love with him. I AM in love with him, I should say. But it's all settled now. There is to be nothing more with Ian. That's become quite clear. He said to me those words that mark the death knell - "I'm not worth it." Of course, he is worth it, but he was being kind. What those words mean is "you're not worth it." I am, however, worth it. He simply doesn't know. And I have no way to convince him otherwise. I've done all I could do. We could have been great, but he'll never know that. WE will never know just how great we could have been.
I apologized to him tonight. I never meant to make him feel uncomfortable. I was honest, as he was with me. I asked that I not lose him as a friend. I love him and I can't have him in the way that I would like to, but I would regret more to lose him as my friend.
Keska
I apologized to him tonight. I never meant to make him feel uncomfortable. I was honest, as he was with me. I asked that I not lose him as a friend. I love him and I can't have him in the way that I would like to, but I would regret more to lose him as my friend.
Keska
Monday, January 18, 2010
Dignity and morality intact
My turmoil about Ian almost led me to do something morally reprehensible: I actually arranged a hookup with Ryan.
Fortunately, Ryan decided that he couldn't cheat on his wife after all. I was glad to hear it. I always respected the fact that he didn't cheat, and I didn't really want to cross "sex with a married man" off my "I never" list.
I consider my ethics still intact. It was a drunken venture online that never came to fruition.
My "date" with Kevin never materialized either. I suppose he didn't have time when he came up this way, but he didn't call either. That irked me a bit.
I was in a pretty foul mood on Friday and probably would have made more bad decisions anyway, I suppose. I had half of my talk with Ian, and I didn't come out of it feeling any kind of hopefulness at all. I think it might just be that we will remain friends, but he will never take the opportunity to see what kind of fire our undeniable chemistry will ignite. A loss for both of us really. I have no doubt it would be absolutely incredible. Ironically, he knows it too, and that's probably the biggest part of the problem.
Keska
Fortunately, Ryan decided that he couldn't cheat on his wife after all. I was glad to hear it. I always respected the fact that he didn't cheat, and I didn't really want to cross "sex with a married man" off my "I never" list.
I consider my ethics still intact. It was a drunken venture online that never came to fruition.
My "date" with Kevin never materialized either. I suppose he didn't have time when he came up this way, but he didn't call either. That irked me a bit.
I was in a pretty foul mood on Friday and probably would have made more bad decisions anyway, I suppose. I had half of my talk with Ian, and I didn't come out of it feeling any kind of hopefulness at all. I think it might just be that we will remain friends, but he will never take the opportunity to see what kind of fire our undeniable chemistry will ignite. A loss for both of us really. I have no doubt it would be absolutely incredible. Ironically, he knows it too, and that's probably the biggest part of the problem.
Keska
Thursday, January 14, 2010
What to do? What to do?
So where were we? Oh yes, Franco got the problems worked out with the Tampa trip, so he's not in trouble with work. He still wants me to come to New Orleans with him next month, and now he's said that he wants to come HERE. As in where I live. Oh crap.
I reeeeeally don't feel like I can do that. That's just a little much. I mean, a casual weekend of casual .... erm .... acquaintancing .... is one thing, but a weekend at my home? I think we've seen each other enough to know by now that we're just not going to happen as any kind of a "real" thing. Heck, I'm even thinking I need to turn down that New Orleans trip.
Yes, because it's Ian again.
After Franco asked me about coming here, I finally thought, "I need to talk to Ian. I can't keep putting it off." So I was having a little talk with Ian about other things - still keeping it casual, after all, because I can't stand NOT talking with him. I told him at the end of the conversation, just when I was conveniently having to head out the door for work, that I was going to need to talk to him. I said it was sort of some advice I needed and that he had a unique perspective. He's a bright boy. He's got to have SOME idea of what I'm talking about.
Well, I rather expected that the next day I wouldn't be seeing him online at all. I thought he might want to avoid me. On the contrary, he popped up before I even noticed him online and said, "You said you needed to talk? Go for it." Hmmmmm......
I chickened out though - told him that I was still working on it. I know I'm a coward, but I can't STAND not having him around. I don't want to chase him off.
So we ended up talking about other things. It was good. It was some work stuff for him, which had him angry and needing an ear. I like being that for him. I like that he wants to talk to me about these things.
Did I mention that I'm in love with him? Well, I haven't to him, but I'm sure I have to you before.
I don't think I'll be telling him that anytime soon though. All I really want to know at this point is, is there a chance that he will give us a chance? That's all. He's got to get over the fear of the "what ifs." I know that. He feels the connection too - he's told me often enough. It's just that issue of "what then?" When we get together, and we confirm that we're perfect for each other..... what then? I don't think we need to worry about it right now. I think he's wondered about it a little too much, and it's got him sort of stuck in one place, refusing to move.
It's easier that way. I know.
Oh, and I might have a sort of date tomorrow. :) It's with my old schoolmate Kevin. We never actually spoke in high school, but we've developed a friendship since reconnecting on Facebook about a year ago. He lives in another state, but he came up once a few months ago (had a girlfriend at the time) and took me out to dinner. Completely innocent, btw. Just dinner followed by a quick hug.
Well, he's no longer got the girlfriend. And he's coming up tomorrow to visit his son for the weekend before he (the son) moves to New Mexico. He asked if I'd like to "hang out" tomorrow. We've been flirting a little. (Ok, so we got roaring drunk one night during a six-hour webcam conversation, and he got naked. I didn't. Well, mostly.) Anyway, should be interesting if I can come up with someone to take the kids.
Keska
I reeeeeally don't feel like I can do that. That's just a little much. I mean, a casual weekend of casual .... erm .... acquaintancing .... is one thing, but a weekend at my home? I think we've seen each other enough to know by now that we're just not going to happen as any kind of a "real" thing. Heck, I'm even thinking I need to turn down that New Orleans trip.
Yes, because it's Ian again.
After Franco asked me about coming here, I finally thought, "I need to talk to Ian. I can't keep putting it off." So I was having a little talk with Ian about other things - still keeping it casual, after all, because I can't stand NOT talking with him. I told him at the end of the conversation, just when I was conveniently having to head out the door for work, that I was going to need to talk to him. I said it was sort of some advice I needed and that he had a unique perspective. He's a bright boy. He's got to have SOME idea of what I'm talking about.
Well, I rather expected that the next day I wouldn't be seeing him online at all. I thought he might want to avoid me. On the contrary, he popped up before I even noticed him online and said, "You said you needed to talk? Go for it." Hmmmmm......
I chickened out though - told him that I was still working on it. I know I'm a coward, but I can't STAND not having him around. I don't want to chase him off.
So we ended up talking about other things. It was good. It was some work stuff for him, which had him angry and needing an ear. I like being that for him. I like that he wants to talk to me about these things.
Did I mention that I'm in love with him? Well, I haven't to him, but I'm sure I have to you before.
I don't think I'll be telling him that anytime soon though. All I really want to know at this point is, is there a chance that he will give us a chance? That's all. He's got to get over the fear of the "what ifs." I know that. He feels the connection too - he's told me often enough. It's just that issue of "what then?" When we get together, and we confirm that we're perfect for each other..... what then? I don't think we need to worry about it right now. I think he's wondered about it a little too much, and it's got him sort of stuck in one place, refusing to move.
It's easier that way. I know.
Oh, and I might have a sort of date tomorrow. :) It's with my old schoolmate Kevin. We never actually spoke in high school, but we've developed a friendship since reconnecting on Facebook about a year ago. He lives in another state, but he came up once a few months ago (had a girlfriend at the time) and took me out to dinner. Completely innocent, btw. Just dinner followed by a quick hug.
Well, he's no longer got the girlfriend. And he's coming up tomorrow to visit his son for the weekend before he (the son) moves to New Mexico. He asked if I'd like to "hang out" tomorrow. We've been flirting a little. (Ok, so we got roaring drunk one night during a six-hour webcam conversation, and he got naked. I didn't. Well, mostly.) Anyway, should be interesting if I can come up with someone to take the kids.
Keska
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